Cognitive restructuring
'Cognition' is a word used to denote a thought or belief, and 'restructuring' involves challenging a cognition by looking at the evidence for or against it. The basic idea behind cognitive restructuring is that thoughts themselves are not facts; you need to consider whether the thoughts you are having are true and to consider whether there are any other ways to thinking about a particular situation. At first this can be a real challenge: we often believe what we think and don't question our own thoughts. However, often our thinking is biased, and with perfectionism it can be biased towards thinking too negatively and harshly about yourself.
Listening to the compassionate voice
For this next activity you will need to refer to the self-critical thoughts you identified previously in this session.
Your task is to now write a message to yourself from the perspective of the compassionate voice. Keep in mind those values you apply to friends and how these can be applied to you.
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Take a look at the following example.
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Original self-critical thought
Alternative compassionate thought
How would you feel if this alternative thought was true?
I am useless.
I am an inadequate teacher.
Many of the parents have thanked me for my work with their child.
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I am learning and developing my skills as a teacher and that takes time.
Reassured I am a good teacher.
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Comforted that I am progressing the longer I stay in my job.
At this stage the strength of your belief in the alternative thoughts may be very low, and much lower than your belief in the critical thought, but that is fine.
Like any muscle group in your body, the compassionate voice will only get stronger the more it is used.
With practice, the compassionate voice will get easier to switch on and more believable, and the unfairness of the self-critical voice will become more apparent. Over time you will be more likely to question the validity of the self-critical thought, and believe it less.
To exercise the compassionate voice and practice challenging the inner-critic, use the downloadable activity to practice this exercise whenever you find yourself being judgemental.
Have a go at completing the exercise several times using pen and paper (rather than relying on mental practice) to build up a repertoire of compassionate statements.