Cognitive restructuring
'Cognition' is a word used to denote a thought or belief, and 'restructuring' involves challenging a cognition by looking at the evidence for or against it. The basic idea behind cognitive restructuring is that thoughts themselves are not facts; you need to consider whether the thoughts you are having are true and to consider whether there are any other ways to thinking about a particular situation. At first this can be a real challenge: we often believe what we think and don't question our own thoughts. However, often our thinking is biased, and with perfectionism it can be biased towards thinking too negatively and harshly about yourself.
Freedom from rules
One way to relax your rules is to create experiments aimed at doing things less than perfectly, that is, just doing well enough rather than to the standard you might like to achieve.
In order to overcome perfectionism you have to be willing, at least to some degree, to accept not being completely satisfied with your performance. Learning to accept in a positive way that your performance cannot always be perfect, even with your best efforts, helps create a balance in your life and how you spend your time.
Take the following example
Maggie is a 32 year old receptionist who takes great pride in her appearance.
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She tries to appear immaculate all the time, even on weekends, and believes she will be judged critically if she has not attended to her hair, make-up, clothes, and weight.
She seeks reassurance from the attention her appearance brings and the comments people make about her outfits.
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She spends around 2 hours each morning making herself look 'presentable'.
She also carries a pocket mirror at all times in case she needs to touch up her hair or make-up.
Maggie's rules
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I must always...
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Make the bed each morning
Wash my clothes after I've worn them once
Apply perfume and deodorant twice daily
Shower in the morning and last thing at night
Carry mints in my bag
Avoid all foods with garlic or onion
Eat less than 1,500 calories a day
Check my waist each time I pass a mirror
Exercise for at least 30 minutes every day
Pay at least 5 compliments to people I interact with
Walk 6,000 steps a day
Do something to 'better' myself each day
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Download the following example to see how Maggie is able to challenge her perfectionism about her appearance.
Now it's your turn. Choose a rule of your own and conduct an experiment to challenge that rule.